5 steps to overcoming PAST hurt AND PAIN
Updated: Aug 19, 2021
The first step to healing is acceptance, you have to Acknowledge it before you can get yourself out of it. Accepting that you were abandoned, betrayed, embarrassed, abused, neglected, cheated on, molested, or rejected does not define who you are. Accepting the pain and hurt is a process; there is no specific time limit on accepting pain and sorrow. You have to express your hurt and pain and accept your responsibility, and understand that it does not define you or determine your destiny. Accept it so it does not eat away at you from the inside out. Accept the fact that you will never be good enough for the wrong person. There is no time limit on this process sometimes it takes weeks, months, or even years, but you have to accept it eventually. There is no rush take your time because this is a process. It takes time to accept the things that caused you so much pain, sleepless nights, turmoil, depression, anxiety, distress, shame, and embarrassment, weight loss or gain and sometimes even thoughts of suicide, or even thoughts of hurting the other person that hurt you.
Accept the fact that he or she is not coming back and that it is over. Accept the fact that he or she walked out and left you and the children. Accept the fact that your spouse had an affair. Accept the scars and pains that will remain with you permanently if you allow them to. It could be that you got terminated from a job UN-expectantly or someone else got the promotion that you should have received.
Accept that your church family mistreated you or misused you or even neglected you or hurt you in some type of way or abandon you. Church hurt is the worst hurt of all because you would never expect that Christians would ever say or do anything against you to hurt you. Ministry is one of the first places that you experience hurt or betrayal, but you still have to accept it.
Accept neglect, rejection and abuse from your family, spouse or maybe even your siblings or children disappointed you or maybe you even lost a loved one. Accept that it does not hinder your growth and potential, because you were denied, mistreated, rejected, or abandon. Acceptance does not mean that you deserved it. Acceptance is just admitting and realizing that it happened. During the first process you might want to take some time to reflect back on some of your own past rejections and ask yourself have I have accepted my own rejections and finally make the decision to start the healing process and let it go.
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
This is the hardest tip by far FORGIVENESS. You have to forgive them and yourself. Letting go of the victim mentality and focus on yourself and healing from within. You cannot redeem time it happened and there is no way on earth that you can go back and erase or dismiss what happened. Holding on to anger, hurt, rage and pain is very unhealthy. Forgiveness is challenging, but crucial to your healing process. Sometimes we have to consult with a professional licensed individual to help us along this process. If you would prefer to communicate with a therapist as you walk through this process please by all means find yourself a great therapist and start the forgiveness and healing process.
Letting go and moving forward and deciding that I am not going to look back nor will I hold any grudges or animosity in my heart towards you or your actions towards or against me is a very important step towards forgiveness. When you forgive it cleanses the heart and you start to restore and rebuild. Forgive even when you don’t understand, let it go. Forgiveness is also freedom mental, physical and emotional, forgive yourself and forgive the person. Be willing to forgive. for you and the other person, it might not feel like it but when you forgive you will start to heal and that is one of the most important parts of the process. Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness, it displays your maturity and courage just let it go.
COLOSSIANS 3:13 3 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
EPHESIANS 4:31-32 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
You have accepted it and you have forgiven. Your heart and mind are clear, now it’s time to start praying. Prayer gives your heart and mind a since of peace and clarity. When you pray from a place of acceptance and forgiveness holding no animosity, grudges, rage or hate in your heart God can really start the process of renewing your mind, body and soul. It’s not the easiest process mentally to pray when you are bitter, angry and upset. You have to forgive because God is a forgiving God and he has forgiven us of our sins. Just think how many times God has forgiven you?
If prayer is not your preference you could also try meditation. Meditation is an amazing tool for peace, calmness, and stillness. I myself meditate daily. You can always start with a simple 2 or 3 minute meditation just being still, relaxed and calm and focus on your breathes or count backwards, until you feel calm and refreshed. Mediation practices will also assist you with letting go, forgiveness, inner peace mentally and physically. Mediation and/or prayer are a wonderful remedy for your soul and for healing.
Jeremiah 29:12 ~ Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
Job 22:27 ~ You will pray to him, and he will hear you, and you will fulfill your vows
4. Letting Go
If you have made it to this process you are almost there and you are ready for a new beginning. You might be asking yourself why we didn’t do this step first. If you start out discarding items and mementos, before you have accepted, forgiven, and prayed you are usually reacting out of anger and your emotions. When you react instead of respond you are not thinking clearly and you will probably regret it shortly after. Discarding items prematurely does not remove the pain and hurt that is why healing is a process and it takes time. When you start to discard and let go you want to be thinking clear with clarity and calmness, and with no regrets.
ELIMINATION and LETTING GO is time to purge, remove, dismiss, and withdraw any and all remembrance of items things or people that continuously remind you of the hurt, pain, rejection, anger, hate etc. this includes but not limited to pictures, clothes, cards, coffee cups, throw it all away or donate it to your favorite charity.
If there are children involved of course you will have some pictures or scrap books, but don’t be connected to the items mentally and every time that you look at them you get angry or sick or start crying, if you are experiencing that you need to remove those items immediately if you don’t want to throw them away just store them in the attic or garage out of sight out of mind. These items have no value anymore you have to move past material objects and stop holding on to a memory that caused you so much pain. This item holds no value to your life or your future. You have to consciously mentally and physically let go. You will not have room for anything new if you are holding on to everything old. God wants to give you a fresh and new start but you have to trust and believe that he will restore.
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
Create your new beginning and celebrate your breakthrough. Create your new life and focus on the present no looking back you have come so far. Change your perception and your perspective.
Start to create a space and life that reflects you. Create a positive atmosphere and surround yourself with positive and influential individuals that motivate and encourage you.
Take a look back and reflect how far you have come on your journey and you made it. Have fun with it and live your new life to the fullest. Be cheerful positive and most importantly loving yourself. Embrace the process and grow through the process this is your life not anyone else’s you are accountable for you and your actions. Create your new space. If you like animals buy you an animal to your liking. If you have a passion for art take an Art class or purchase some art or go to an art show or have your own art show. If you like to bake start baking cakes for your local charity or your neighbors, or your local church. If you like to travel plan a mini-vacation. Grow a garden and plant some flowers, vegetables, or your favorite fruit. No matter what it is just make sure that it reflects you and brings you joy, peace and happiness.
Make sure that you practice self care join a gym, start a yoga class, make an appointment with a hair stylist, or have yourself a spa day. Focus on your well being and celebrate your growth. Now that you know your worth and your value keep moving forward holding nothing back. Be proud of yourself and always celebrate and appreciate your wins no matter how big or how