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Living with Abuse

Abuse is about power, control, manipulation and intimidation. Abuse also consist of violent and verbal attacks. There is no excuse to entertain or live with an abusive person. Realizing that no matter what you do or say or how much you love a person you cannot fix an abusive person. A lot of abuse starts in childhood maybe it started in the home with parents, siblings or a loved one. There are multiple types of abuse mental/psychological, physical, verbal/emotional, financial, sexual and cultural/identity.

When I was married to my abuser, I experienced physical, verbal/emotional, mental, sexual and financial abuse. They are all life threatening and life changing. The physical abuse consisted of him hitting me repeatedly mainly in my face, kicking, choking and slapping. I was hit multiple times in my face with a closed fist, I was kicked and choked multiple times. The manipulation and intimidation were unbearable, but I stayed with my abuser for about seven years.

He did not start out being physically abusive until I was pregnant with our first-born son, the verbal abuse started immediately after we started living together. The first time he hit me I was 8 months pregnant and he threw me on the bed and jumped on top of me and started hitting me in my face. Everything started with an argument and the name calling and disrespect and then he started to get very upset and physically abusive. I couldn’t do anything, because I was 8 months pregnant and big as ever my only choice was to lay there and scream which only made him more pissed off.

It was never anything that I did or said to make him hit me he was just simply an abusive person added with drug and alcohol abuse was not a great combination. The alcohol and drugs did not make him abusive it just added to the anger even more. He was abusive with or without the drugs and alcohol. The abuse was usually always unexpected I never knew his trigger points because anything or anyone would set him off for no reason.

His father was abusive with his mother during his childhood so his was exposed to abuse in the home but that is still not an excuse. His other siblings were not abusive towards there spouses or children. I believe it affected him more so than the others and he became very angry and a dysfunctional adult.

After I finally got the courage to leave 1 child later, I never looked back. We have two sons together. I made it on my own with support from my local shelter, my faith in God and my family. Leaving him was the best thing that I could have ever done for myself and my children. It was a process and it took me awhile, but I did it. It was hard and very difficult to say the least but my children and my life and wellbeing was far more important to me and so I finally made the decision and chose our life, safety and peace over a marriage.

You have a choice to live in abusive relationship or not. Start the process and establish some boundaries, develop an exit strategy and prepare to leave permanently and forever never looking back. Change your mindset, join local support groups and strengthen your mental muscle because it will not be easy but you can do it. I did it and I made it through it all with my faith in GOD and believing in myself knowing that was not the plan that God had for my life to be abused I was not created to be a punching bag or someone trash can to dump on me all day and every day. Make a decision today choose your life over everything and you will make it and have confidence in yourself. Do not worry about the judgmental people or their opinions always make yourself and your family a priority I promise you won’t regret it.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

Joshua 1:9


True Confessions of a Christian

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