Living with rejection

Dealing with rejection, accepting rejection and trying to figure out why can get very messy and emotional. Rejection alone makes you feel like giving up and going in the corner somewhere and crying your eyes out. Rejection is painful and undeniable hurtful and even more hurtful when you really don’t understand why and believe me sometime you will never know or understand why.

I experienced rejection at a very early age from a loved one that should have been there for me mentally, physically, emotionally and just for my well-being and safety and to teach me certain things about being a young girl and developing into a young lady or least that is what I thought and was I wrong , absolutely nothing was sweet and pretty about my situation. Being rejected as a young child is one thing, but growing up into a young lady, mother, wife, divorcee I started to notice a pattern within myself and again within myself and relationships, however I didn’t know why. I had no idea what the problem was. Why was I attracting the same type of people why was I always feeling and believing less than I deserved? I accepted certain behaviors, why did I think it was ok to live in an abusive relationship. Little did I know that was only the beginning of my problems.

I was clueless about rejection and rejection issues and the trauma that it can cause mentally and internally. My since of acceptance allowed me to continually accept certain abusive behaviors and it had gotten to be normal and comfortable to me. I didn’t understand it but I was living with the pain for years. I had emotionally and mentally clocked out literally and at the point of no return within myself.

After years of settling and accepting certain behaviors I slowly started to look at things differently including myself and then I started to question certain things I started reading more, going back to church, volunteering and exposing myself to positive things and positive people. That alone still wasn’t enough because that really didn’t solve anything I still hadn’t gotten to the core of the problem or the root of the problem which was why did I feel like this, why was I like this, and why do I think it’s ok to accept disrespectful and abusive behavior.

When I finally made the decision to start the healing process OMG that was one of the hardest things that I have done. Healing is painful and it hurts like a wound that never healed no matter how much alcohol or ointment you apply it still just hurts and bleeds and makes you bleed on everyone that loves you.

I decided to make myself a priority and figure out myself and why. I finally decided to go to therapy, because nothing was working for me, I needed to talk to somebody about me, myself and I. I started going to therapy and she was such a blessing and she helped me tremendously. I was able to understand the reason I accepted a lot of behavior is because I was broken myself and very vulnerable to accept any and everything and because of the trauma and rejection that I had received from my loved ones affected my adulthood.

I felt better I knew why and I was released from therapy and started to heal and recover even more at least that is what I thought. I was being very careful and careful wasn’t enough simply because I went to therapy I still hadn’t got to the nasty core and root of the problem which was rejection and abandonment issues that led me to being clinically depressed and codependent now with all that I was pretty flawed on the inside and I didn’t want to be and I had to fix it and I didn’t know where to start, so here we go again another trip down memory lane which at the end of the day really blessed my soul because everything now made all of the sense in the world and I wasn’t messed up after all getting healed and going through and growing through the dark stages of your life are life changing and that is exactly what I did.

I started my journey one day one tear and one step at a time slow, consistent, diligent, persistent refusing to give up on myself. Was it hard was it painful was I sick yes, yes and yes? The hurt and pain does not just go away you have to do the work the core work, the internal work, the good and the bad. You have to be aware and start somewhere, because if you don’t hurt people hurt people and what is in you will keep growing until eventually you lose yourself, and then you are at the point of no return.

It’s OK to ask for help, stop pretending like you have it all together, stop acting like what happened to you didn’t hurt you. The quicker that you become aware and start accepting the quicker you can start to heal because if not it will continue to manifest. Start slow and it doesn’t matter where you start as long as you start Do not allow people to condemn you or judge you, because their opinion is just that an opinion and it doesn’t matter. Move forward do the work invest in yourself and make your well being a priority. Trust God during the entire process, read your bible more, pray without ceasing, surround yourself with a very positive and nurturing environment, watch happy, fun and encouraging movies and documentaries, and most importantly believe in yourself, you can do this, because you need you.

Sincerely,

Tamara Denise