Updated: Aug 20, 2021
A few years back around 2017 I had finally realized that I had a problem with depression. It started out with me having little or no interest in anything beside going to work and mainly because I had 3 children that I had to support. That was the only thing that I had enough energy to do was work, feed my kids and go to bed literally that was my routine Monday thru Friday.
On Saturday and Sunday, I stayed in the bed most of the day. On Sunday mornings I would get up and go church and fake it acting like everything was ok and I was so broken on the inside.
I didn’t feel comfortable about talking about my feelings with anyone in the church, because I didn’t want my entire personal life spread all over the church. I knew that if I confided in anyone at the church my life story would spread like a hurricane quick and fast.
You can’t talk about depression because some church folks think you should just pray about it and it goes away, and that is definitely not always an easy process. People often think that Christians don’t go through anything and that their life is perfect, life happens to everybody it doesn’t matter if you’re a Christian or not.
I was very isolated basically suffering in silence. I kept my emotions bottled up and locked up on the inside and that made me a ticking time bomb simply because I had so much hurt, brokenness, anger and many other emotions built up on the inside of me that was eating away at my soul.
Being a single Mom, dealing with rejection & abandonment issues, abusive relationships, working hard and still struggling and putting everyone else needs before mine had turned me into a functional zombie that was depressed.
I finally confided in a co-worker that was also a great friend and I stated to her I think that something is wrong with me, and of course like any friend she was like what’s wrong? I told her everything that I had been dealing with and she in turn shared somethings with me that she had dealt with in the past. She assured me that I would be Ok and to do what ever I needed to do to get better, because it’s not going to just go away, it only grows and gets worst until you get so far down and then it’s harder to pick yourself back up.
I made an appointment with my primary Care Doctor and explained to her everything that had been going on with me. My doctor had me to complete a questionnaire after I completed the questionnaire, she came back in the room after she had reviewed the questionnaire and diagnosed me with clinical depression.
She did not prescribe me any medication. I remember her saying to me I want to see you beat this and I know that you can with faith and with God and therapy you are going to be ok. It will definitely be a process however you can do it. She explained to me that I was going to have to deal with things that I never dealt with and go within and face it and fight my way out of it.
I started going to therapy and that was the best thing that I could have done for myself. I am healed and I handle things, situations, and people differently now. I am very protective of my space and my heart.
I was willing to do the work and I am so grateful that I did. I chose to fight for me because nobody would have and I won. With God, faith, prayer, and counseling I was able to get through it, and no it wasn’t easy, it was a process and I was willing and determined to fix all of the broken pieces within myself.